Mónica Vigo [aka Cucatore ]

[ CAUSE & EFFECT ]

2011-03-08T05:32:00.000-08:00

Im ashamed of open my mouth and shout why

cause and effect come hand by hand.

Im sick of teasing, I need something real

and dont be left there by night.

You are not the last one but either the first one.

It has happened one after one.

Im sick of teasing, I want your touch

and your truth.

SER UN MAGO

2011-02-01T16:08:00.000-08:00

Más que un mago, El Mágico.

No son manos si no plumas y pinceles.

Los labios dejan de serlo para formarse en nubes.

No me gusta la evanescencia, sólo en el humo de mi cigarro.

Y menos cuando es la de tu magia, tus labios nube y tu palabra atenta.

El mago del circo de gatos, de los colores barrocos.

No te vayas, ni pares, ni hagas magia con tu piel.

Píntame con abrazos, bésame con las manos,

quémame con los labios.

Quisiera decirte algo pero creo que mis palabras van a ser en vano,

cuando lo que te hace falta ahora es la magia del mago.

Es que no quiero algo de ti si no que tu quieras algo de mi.

Ser yo también un mago y estar bajo la misma carpa de blanco roto y carmín.

alice art

2011-01-12T03:54:00.001-08:00

via aliceart.blox.pl

paintings from the most cake girl with LOF // vivid brushes

FENIX TAIL HAIR

2010-12-16T17:41:00.000-08:00

I´m not gonna tell you what Im thinking, that would be too easy..

[ try luck again ]

I CANT SAY IT

2010-11-23T04:23:00.000-08:00

A white room, a couple of candle lights behind me, music, paper, camera and some color pencils to create madly till the break of dawn.I wanna express myself as I cant do it in words: I just cant say it.

Who are you that has become the mouth of my art, my creations and my dreams?

I can look at you but I cant say it

Even being on my own I still cant push the words out of my mouth.

I can feel it but dont want it.

I dont wanna feel even feeling is what I do best.

I dont wanna feel you in the boiling water.

I dont wanna miss u in the freezing walks around the city.

I listen to the music and miss you beside me.

I wish I could take part in the theatre show you´ve built and its itself.

Id like to dance in the light, and be the mistress of the night.

I wanna be the ghost of the light and the dark.

The wicked eyed girl with pale velvet hands of joy.

I could write thousand of pages and still dont express what I feel, how do I feel.

Look at me

See me moving in the light

Im the solitary girl

Anybody has the guts enough to love me yet

I have to think

this is for myself

and I have to train hard my brain,

my heart and my muscles

so I can be again the mistress of the strengh,

the queen of the wine,

the girl with the red lipstick on.

I have to think

you do not worth me.

I have to remember

I should be better without you.

I cant forget

you cant give some of my needs.

But I´d pass out immediately

if one day I see

that you can give what I didnt get.

Just because lately Im a mess

a slut that fucks with memories and thoughts,

mixing them to making cold soup

to pour all over me.

** Stay strong // Cool calm collected **

TODAY IS BLURRY STILL

2010-11-13T08:46:00.000-08:00

I thought about naming this post "What u didn't give me" but the issue is much wider. Of course I could write down a list showing how thirsty did u left me after that bloody days of glory.

This one is just to give myself the chance to put everything on the table and tear my heart in words; to let you know what u didnt get, what you could have had and what I could have given.

This is probably gonna be a raw text but you didn't give a shit when the words used to come from you own mouth. Clear as u wanted it from the first day, that´s how Im gonna talk.

I´ve been resting my thoughts for the night and I know your were not doing good two nights ago but who knows the reason of your tears. I´m not sure if I should claim that tears mine or ours. // I have cried and I am missing // but you can never give when you are never gonna receive //. I still wonder why I felt as the only one who you didn't look at. I was somebody standing there. I felt how you pushed me away by disrespecting me and joking on a so childish way.

Whilst all this happened some sweet moments showed up. So, so warm that made the others vanish away. That´s why I was holding tight the candy rope. I can number the great ones too.. Driving through Madrid at night, holding me tight so I couldn't leave in the morning, a couple of naughty hands, a new place to dinner, deep and shallow conversations, laughs, tears, movies, hugs, music, kisses, looks, when u pushed me against the red wall to have the moment for us.

// See? That was making something for us //

And some others that finally drowned in a contradictory conversation, in a carousel of sensations, in a promise that never came, in a smashed illusion // cuz I believed in you when you talked about changes//, in cold water running though my back when I was nothing but a sofa. They drowned cuz you never touched me, cuz never asked me, cuz never thought about me. I was a driver and a lackey. Cuz u said you loved me and then passed over me to get your needs. That´s selfish.

Basically Im trying to make everything simple cuz its too wide to embrace and my mind and my chest is feeling quite limited to cover the issue. I have to think that you don´t care or you are insecure. I have to think that either you didn't feel like having a relationship even you said u wanted or something happened to change your mind, something that I don't know and don´t wanna know now. I have to think that you are doing your things as anything happened and then somebody tell my you were drinking your own tears. So, what the **** is happening?

You may need to now that everyday that comes I wake up a bit less damaged and there will be a day that don't remember all this stuff. I wouldn't like to get to that day when everything is forgotten but we are living as the other did not exist, so its probably closer that what I think. But on the day I still feel weak, I still feel weird when walk through the city centre without you, or walk by the clubs we used to go, or get into my car and you are not in the next seat, or any song plays and I think about you, making plans where u or I are not invited. Im much more thoughtful that I used to, I loose my mind everywhere, sometimes seeking the corners looking for some dark hair and thick lips. Im floating, trying to assimilate what it was, what did I think it was, what is it, what´s gonna happen, what Im gonna do. //Hell, yeah, I need to sort myself out //

I feel like spending time with myself, doing my own stuff, alone, reflecting, finding some peace and pleasure. Become myself again and a new one much more powerful.

A bigger horse.

A more white cat.

What you could have had was a world of fantasies becoming true, cuz I can be whoever you want. The impossible turning to possible, cuz you know I never give up till I have wasted every single chance. A second and a third live, cuz I can give you what you want and what you really need. A common and a exciting one, cuz I know how to make of a night "THE NIGHT" and a dinner in home "THE DINNER". I know how to make a flame never gone out, but I need a hand that your were not gonna give.

There are no three "C" for you. That was a misunderstood doll.

And at the end, it´s not about me not having is about you loosing. UNDERSTAND?

THE BLOODY LACKEY

2010-10-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

My blood sliding through your throat

Making your eyes alive

Your pale skin turn rosé as wine

And when you believe enough in myself

I´ll be by forever by your side

Stick you fangs on my flesh

and make the love inmortal

make us unbeatable, infinite as the lie down 8

Got the feeling of the intense

the power of pushing my deepest inside out

Together down thousands of bottles of wine,

and drink red after red from our wrist or necks

Tonight is a forever

Tomorrow will be the addiction

The next day you will notice

that I more than your bloody lackey

MY LADY VIOLIN

2010-10-05T02:56:00.000-07:00

My lady violin

The score in your skin

and in your lips

Melody in our kiss

Your smile´s a butterfly

Your eyes two flames fire

Your skirt around my nights a summer moon

Lighting up my place but still not mine to hold

Here I am and here I´ll stay

Here I am

Forever at your mercy

Your skin is a forbidden dream

Your taste a cool grapevine

All you give is grace and beauty in trembling shades

Please just realize you´ve got me hypnotized

My lil vampire

You will die in my blood

and I´ll live in yours

** link it to the last video "Ashram-Forever at your mercy"

Ashram - "Forever at your mercy"

2010-10-04T16:45:00.000-07:00

10 DAYS AFTER

2010-10-03T15:38:00.001-07:00

No words yet to express it

Just an explosion of sensations

And that eyes and that mouth.

How everything turn to deep red

How we were flying on a cloud,

on a white cloud.

Unexpected you just said it

You opened your shell

And now I got the pearl

Looking fordward a koala sleep

Cooking dinner or lunch

Drinking a glass of wine

Cuddles till night comes

Walking down the rain under the black umbrella

Movies under a blanket whilst outside is snowing

and we are ovening our hearts to built something together

Mist up all the windows in the room

and hear your voice climbing inside my chest.

Come closer and never leave

No risk no glory angelito

Ameno-Era // GOOD NIGHT

2010-09-28T16:30:00.000-07:00

LOTUS LIPS ´N´FELINE EYES

2010-09-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

The less you expect the more you get

Whatever you wanna believe about this quote ..it is true.

When you are sick of waiting, giving, listening charming but never coming promises, one day your heart says NO MORE. But whatever, who said what! It doesn´t even listen to itself and suddenly you are diving into a pair of brown eyes and kissing that fleshy and addictive lips.

Step by step but there is no one day that I have not seen you in the last 6 days (lucky #6). You have make me notice about the huge value my friends got in my life and how much do i need them, just cuz u show me your people. How you shared the night with loads and me, how you made me feel someone somewhere. How you turn the weird into home again. How you looked at me all that times. Your smile. How you asked the first day to date the following 2. Even sometimes you drive me crazy with your words game I know you do it to hear me saying what Im suppose to say.

Sleeping // Embracing // Holding hands all night long // Good morning cuddles and sighs // How you touched my cheek // How u like me to be close to your neck // THE EMBRACE // You may felt my heart beating against yours // I thought it was gonna fly away and never come back // I´d had like that moment to never end

I love that warm moments, dude *_* I wanna paint it in pale pink

Today is for us and what is happening to last

MY THOUGHTS WRITE POEMS THEMSELVES

2010-09-14T17:09:00.000-07:00

Together the visual and the writing.

You may not understand it but can make an idea of what´s going on inside.

This is another goodbye to the bad feelings and a prayer to the control of my own mind.

A relief to all the heart breaks within the last year.

A teacher in primary school used to say "control your body".

I believe that whenever you do it you will live in balance with yourself so lets work my ass to reach that balance.

Today I can admit I miss love. But even so, not gonna allow it inside me after I am myself again, reach my aims and meet someone ******** cuz I don't know what I want but I know what I don't want.. and it is you//you/you//

2010-09-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

My eyes are closed as unborn roses // Covered behind sunglasses // U will see them again when the sun never again raises // When a star itself build 6 galaxies // Never again I'll smell pink roses // I'll lay in a single bed and you will never touch me again

FUCK ME

2010-09-10T15:32:00.000-07:00

Once and another and another one Im failing myself and letting me going down with all the facts surrounding me. This is not the first one and its not gonna be the last but.. I just wanna rest for a while of all this feeling and crazy-driving emotions. I wasnt waiting for this to come as soon.

Is usually been two either in my heart or in my lovers.. Now it looks so simple like it.

TWO TWO TWO.

They said the loved me but either didnt show me love or couldnt do it. Im just not gonna let myself going down once for because someone dies when thinking in other.

Im graduated by the way and also looking forward for any email or call from LV Spain what may change my plans a lil bit. Also, a friend asked me for help to organized a big cinema event.

I feel an artist. I feel drunk and I've got red lipstick. What else can i ask for.. Just put my hands in my pockets and aim high cuz if I can look at the stars why am I gonna stare at the floor. Not gonna let this time happen.. I ll be other one when coming back cuz is the only way to keep being myself.

**pic will come some** beg my pardon for the visual art less **

THE QUEEN OF RAW

2010-08-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

I aint say anything long

That I miss my blondie and cant wait to get there

I cant wait either for the white stuff and the glasses of wine,

boots and fags

Ive got two fav blondies to share with:

One use brushes and other has just learn how to hug

I believe the only thing I like of Christmas is the gold bubbles

and diamonds in grandpas´ eyes

I am the queen of raw since I was 6

6 is my lucky number

and the #of lives Ive got spare

after meeting the bitch again

XVIII CENTURY LADY

2010-08-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

Some were banned to write, to paint or do any other thing but to sew. Just sit by the window and look at LIVE rolling chaotic in front of their eyes. Just look but not touch. Just dream but never try.

Naturally, the impossible of loving appeared as the most romantic fact on earth. Tears tanned by the impossible of touching or kissing the lover.

Sometimes just feel like them.. loving the impossible. Staring at the window breathing deeply, lost in my thoughts. Embracing the covers, staring at the darkness, thinking what could have happened.. And sometimes the lady is only her.. Not me. With no power to look and stare at my blues. With no energy to make the sound of a word and let it fly to my ears.

She´s the blind and the dumb.

Shes the impossible, that I may always love while staring at the window.

But it´s also me.

The love I have always give to myself and my woman pride to dont be hurt again.

Just drawing my face to remind me the pain of getting blind and dumb cuz of loving so much.

SAD BUT PIERCING

2010-08-19T16:13:00.000-07:00

Let me note down the current amount..

one, two.. three, four, five, six

But it was.. seven, eight, nine.. maybe ten.

She was wearing sunglasses and facing everything but me, looking at any other thing except me

Not when I asked, not when we were drinking beer. When I saw that piercing eyes, where you couldn't find anything but brown unless you stare and fix them with your pupils.

I wasn't scared till she put her glasses off, till I challenged her to stare at my blues.

I just couldn't breath for a second even feeling as light as some clean smoke of burning roses.

I didn't remember that feeling of wanting her so bad to be around, to look at me the way she used to.

This is a bomb os feelings that should be either flying away or well safe in Pandora´s box because they are assassins, killers, robbers, kidnapers of my heart.

I guess *some* is trying to say me something just when two days ago I was saying goodbye-goodbye and know we were sharing the table and the cigarettes. Maybe Im gonna love this forever even I know it doesn't worth it.

But I realized that if I kissed I was gonna miss, that didn't want her love anymore cuz she has nothing to offer. That she´s not the one I thought she was.

So LETS DO SOMETHING THAT LASTS FOREVER AS LOVE DOESNT.

I just wanna give myself to myself (with Liverpool or XIX century London accent)

Myself to my job and my create-tivity

And i´ll be here when someone has guts enough to share love with me

AMEN

FINAL COUNT DOWN

2010-08-18T05:01:00.000-07:00

Just to say goodbye to all that bitches that once came and from now.. are gone

xXx gOod-bye

FRESH PAINT

2010-08-17T04:25:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, 6 days after

Today, drown dreams in wine

Tomorrow, print my lipstick forever.

Had been years that I didn't draw dreams

or upside down stairs.

That hadn't share my glass

with another hand-like-brush.

There is no need now to pray

cuz in my sweat it is

the shape and the colour

of a brand new paper sheet.

Movement or frozen pics

Boots and cigarettes in summer

Wine for breakfast and fresh paint of my shirt

print your lipstick to be remembered next year.

For Alice

whole lotta LOF

DEFINE IT

2010-08-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

I hope you guys enjoy this video

Im proud of the final result on this second day of creAte-tivity

Let´s play a game: after u see the video DESCRIBE IT just with one or two words and you CANT repeat any other´s words. Think, think, think!

*cheers with wine*

U.R.A.

2010-08-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

These last 6 days. Inspiration. Feeling alike. Empathy. Laughs. Hot pics. Free drinks. Share and believe there is still a hope for LOF. 60´s 7o´s 80´s. Lipstick and pirates make up. AYE!!

Just a coincidence #6 is my lucky one. We´ve done loads of things non stop. Drown the dreams in ten thousand bottles of wine and one million fags.

Im listening to that rhythms we used to dance and swing at. And I can smell an old wood table, fresh paint all over the place. A cardboard box doing as a table. The windows open. A red leather sofa and a black silk robe embracing me. A glass of red wine near near my hand. The city creaking and screaming red&yellow lights. Cinnamon caressing the curtains to later kiss my neck. And printing my blood-red lipstick on my cig and my glass of red wine.

I´m gonna miss her. Just the way you miss some water when u are parched or food when u starve. Just the way you miss something when you have nothing.

But it´s been the best days ever in so long. The filling process is coming back. EI had energy but I just came back home and something sucked it so bad that made me a headache.

She just left.

Already got home & started flying down to the floor to finally smash and bleed all over the hallway of white walls.

Has a dream got the same value even if u cant become it true just when u woke up?

Will u ever forget that dream if u cant make a reality from it?

When will it become true?

I´d say DO IT NOW, cuz if you can, there is no reason to wait for it.

So I just feel Im losing my mind again. The only thing I was feeling for, the only thing that was keeping my alive every morning. Just a few feathers of the wings I as trying to grow.. are now floating in the air vulnerable to fly away forever at a soft breeze of air.

Apparently she cant ever trust me again because of my right leg. She´s scared of the city of Miami and its citizens. She doesn't know if they will allow me to stay in Miami because of my write leg or even if they are gonna live close enough so I can go to creaTe every day. But she´s still willing to pay the price.

She says that i should start working in this city. That here I am a competitive professional because of my studies and english level. She said that I lost her contacts. That I got nothing to move away. Here I got home. Here I got family. She said Im running away again.

I feel I got nothing here. Just a bunch of numb heads and talking mouths that just numb my hands and my mind. I cant smell but the same stuffy air everyday. The same picture everyday. The same convos, the same voices, the same things to do.

Im not gonna let her pay so I have to stay here for longer with the certain doubt of finishing it or not. I dont wanna stay here for longer than one-two years as F**** too much time. And she´s offering working here, making some money and then leaving wherever I want to make my dream come true. But I still wonder if I will have forgotten my dream by then. If I´ll have the same energy to move there, If I´ll have some roots that I cannot leave here?

What is the value of dreams if you cannot make them true when u can do it?

Will I live"not-live" here because I´ll be thinking about that everyday so I don´t forget, regretting for not have left when I could? I don´t think that as a choice.

I dont know if she´s right

I dont know if I am

I just feel I don´t belong here or maybe I don´t belong anywhere but I still got places to check to find my own blood running alive when walking new roads and drinking coffee and wine glasses while sat looking at other blue sky.

cheers & print your red lipstick over that glass to be never forgotten

LOF LOF

ALLERGY

2010-08-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

I just got home..

Im just feeling some allergy all around my neck.

My legs didn´t know how to move anymore at that rhythm.

I was just standing there as if I was waiting for something. A spark to make it even interesting.

Or just a line!

OMG

That was so shit!

The one who invited me was floating around making stupid and kiddy things. Other was teasing all the dicks in the place. A not exactly good looking lesbian was looking at me and the other was, as well, getting hot every flies over there, male or female I guess it was her intention. There was a couple that offer a threesome last time. And some others that didn't even

remember my name.

BUT

I saw some old faces that made the night.. just.. less shit

Whatever, Im eating cucumber while writing this.

I´ve gotta say I cant feel my back cuz of my corset.

I cant feel my legs cuz of the heavy boots I was wearing and I just notice that nights are not for me anymore..

I just have an allergy to my spike necklace

SLEEPING IN SOMEONE ELSE´S BED

2010-08-06T00:50:00.000-07:00

When I got to the flat they rent in the beach I saw a weird "kinda horse made of wood" with a feather hooked on it. I just thought about some esoteric shit like protection or who knows.. The point is that since I got there I´ve been dreaming weird stuff and whole stories so I could even make a movie of them.

Tonight I woke up at 3am touching my legs looking for any wounds and blood; feeling the bed, crawling my hands under the pillows and seeking the floor in the dark looking for my phone trying to find out that ..please.. it wasn't real and it had not happened.

My heat was beating so fast

I couldn't even move or turn my head to seek in the dark to make myself aware I was in home

I just lay there with my eyes wide open convincing myself it had happened and why I´ve been dreaming with that topic for now.. more than a couple of times..

I had that weird taste inside, on my palate, on my stomach.. was like a serious hungover of emotions and feelings.

And my heart was beating.

These days in .A. happened a cockroach on the floor, and old naked man sleeping in my bed, getting blind, a half an hour standing on my feet on the toilet, having a real word fight with a teen and a dreamt ..but more real than the first one.. fight with my ex.

Give me a break .M.

Plans for today.. city centre, grocery shopping and just waiting for ma´hot blondie to arrive to drown my dreams in white wine

LETS GO TO THE BEACH BITCH

2010-07-30T14:30:00.001-07:00

Sorry I didnt write lately. Im not gonna say anymore cuz it would probably be a shit excuse or whatever. I just don´t know why i forgot about the blog.. nothing important to say i guess.

Tomorrow Im going to the beach with the old ones, the lovely grandpas who I´m kinda babysitting, but its gonna be cool. Is the place where we all used to go on holiday and Im gonna relax, get inspired, have new ideas for my create-tivity stuff and luckily forget about those bitches around the city.. Oh and lay in the sand as a lizard and get a nice sunbathe color.

Well.. short vacations there we go! and after that I may have a LOFely visit ;)

enjoy this f*** hot summer and wank urselves to sleep

[talk soon]

ONCE UPON IN WYCOMBE

2010-07-27T06:34:00.000-07:00

I had a bad dream while being awake//I couldn't stop it and I saw this//A couple of voices and myself//The white background behind the black curtain//Two lil monsters willing to fight//

CREATE-TIVITY

2010-07-25T15:56:00.000-07:00

Today I went to a park with my ppl and brought a notebook with me. I used to have one always in my bag.. I guess I missed it. I made some drafts of + a video of some kites flying.

I hope you guys enjoy it and get relax for a lil bit. The song I used is one of my favorites. It really helps me to chill: it reminds times of freedom (and looong naps after a tea). I feel that song as it is full of energy and recalls not to the past but to the future that will come and makes me be optimistic and patient for whatever is to come.

**Deep Breath**

I like doing again the create-tivity thing

I´m gonna DO IT and never STOP

STRAIGHT TO THE POINT

2010-07-25T07:08:00.000-07:00

I have a terrible hungover and I dont really feel like writing too much but as Ive been trying to do this for the last 3 days I cant help but to share this pics the *GAGAlips COLLECTION. An inspiration I found on her and what she does, so there we go..